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SO hey hello how are you?

That was rhetorical, for the moment. Bear with me.

Long story short: I am a graduate and I'm tryin' to figure out what to do now. Have a job, but it's not the one I want. Have a girlfriend, but she goes to school far away and lives even farther. Have a wonderful family, no buts there. Definitely butts, but no buts. They are the best.

I am thinking what I want out of this is to keep myself on track. In what way? All of them. I am the kind of person who becomes complacent easily. I could happily spend weeks on end cooped up in my house watching dvd's and sitting on the couch with my mother. BUT. As I have come to figure out, that may not be the healthiest or most beneficial approach to life-after-college. So.

Financially, I am in okayish shape. Do not get me wrong, I could be much, much better. I could also be much worse. I do not pay for rent or utilities or food (generally speaking). I do pay for a car, car insurance, gas, health insurance, cell phone, and school loans (and, because my mother is AMAZING, I am only paying for part of those loans). I have a bit of a cushion (which took a hit for Christmas but is coming back round) in the bank and I opened a Roth IRA. So. Goals?
  • Contribute monthly to the Roth IRA.
  • Continue to build cushion.
  • Open a separate savings account specifically for the next big step in m'life: movin' out.
  • Get. A better. Job.
My job situation is similar to my financial situation; could be better, could be worse. I have a steady, but unfulfilling, job. I want to work in film, ideally. Right now I work in a call center. I'm just a contractor, so I have no benefits to speak of. I know I should be thankful I even have a job, but I am absolutely looking for other employment. And I know, 'in film' is way too undefined to be a goal. But honestly, I would do anything on a set. I would do pre or post production, or production. I would Foley, I would cast, I would hold a boom mic. I just want to be involved somehow in filmmaking. And, if that's not available, at I'd like to be involved in something to do with media. I would tweet for a company, I would DJ a radio station. I think what I really want is to be inspired and challenged creatively. I mean, I have been seriously considering taking up balloon art - you know, for children's birthday parties? This should give you some idea of my mental position in regards to a job at the moment. So. Goals?
  • Find a better paying job.
  • Find a job with better benefits.
  • Find a job in a field that interests me.
I am, generally speaking, a healthy individual. I recently went to the ER with stomach pains and was diagnosed with the stomach flu. Before that, the last time I was in the hospital was when I was two for stitches - I tripped while running around in a KMart with my hands in my pockets. I have no real medical issues to speak of, other than the fact that I am overweight. Well, to be frank, I am obese. I have a BMI of 38. So, much like the rest of my life, my health could be better and could be worse. I don't mind exercise, I just have trouble bringing myself to do it unless I'm on a kick. When it comes to food, I think I might be addicted. I eat when I'm not hungry, I don't stop eating when I'm full. I love sweets. It's pretty much bad news bears. BUT! I have successfully lost weight in the past, and maintained it. I know I can do it, it's just something that I have to work at constantly. It's mostly a mental battle for me. So. Goals?
  • Exercise a little bit everyday.
  • Only eat when hungry (this is the MOST DIFFICULT part, especially when you dine with others).
  • Eat slowly until full.
  • Cut out extraneous food/sweets.
My social life is pretty laughable. I have a couple of close friends, a girlfriend, and a very tight-knit family. My parents are divorced; I live with my mom and my dad lives a half-hour away with his girlfriend and her son. I have an older sister, who is married, who lives an hour away. My mom and I are together the most out of anyone; my little sister goes to college and is home for breaks. I see my older sister and her husband and my dad/his girlfriend/her son/my little sister on Tuesdays when we go to my dad's for dinner. I see my oldest friend Wednesday nights for television watching and general nerding out. My girlfriend (currently in an airplane flying from Tel Aviv to Philadelphia) is usually at school, so I make the two-and-a-half hour drive every other week or so to see her, and sometimes she comes to visit me. Other than those things, most of my non-work time is spent at home, with my mom, on the couch. Because I am antisocial. So. Goals?
  • Try to be more social. Go out to movies on weekends. Go to bars. Take classes. Get out more, essentially.
  • Plan more for eventual move with girlfriend. We want to live in a city and she wants to work in film as well. I anticipate rocky, though worthwhile, roads ahead.
  • Attempt to branch out and make more friends. This is gonna be difficult, seeing as the biggest social environment I have is work, but it is feasible.
Okay, this is getting excessive and is probably uninteresting to anyone other than me. Hey, wait, it is actually pretty boring to me as well. I guess I just needed to get it all out someplace.

Unrhetorical: hey, hello, how are you? Any advice? Anything on yer mind? Go on, comment and spill.

dear livejournal,

whenever I get sad I think about how FREAKING AWESOME my life is.

and then I am not sad anymore.

but I still miss her.





It's noon. I have class in 20 minutes. I'm in Abbey's room with Erica, we just finished an episode of How I Met Your Mother and some takeout from Simmons. Abbey checks her phone, looks at me.

"If I have the name right, you are going to freak out. You too, maybe," she adds, turning to Erica. I'm stumped.


"Alex just posted on Twitter. 'Umm ... Chris Pine is in Saint's? You go, State College.'"

My eyes widen. My jaw drops. I do not believe her. I tell her as much. She tells me he's filming a movie near here with Denzel Washington. I don't believe her. I tell her as much. She beckons me to her computer, where I IMDB the shit out of him.

It's true.

"But, it can't really be him, right? He can't really be there."

So of course, we go downtown. We're all biking there and I can't help but think, no, no, no, no way. It's a busy time of day, people walking everywhere downtown. We get off of our bikes at College Ave and walk the rest of the way. I am impatient and fearful, of what I don't know. Walking past the cafe to lock our bikes, I look inside. College students in a cafe, regular occurrence, there's no way. I vocalize this. We walk inside.

It's small and warm and cozy and Chris Pine is sitting at the back of the room, wearing a soft-looking black sweater that covers the back of his neck and a plaid newsboy cap. Abbey and Erica order while I text my little sister, I try not to stare as we get a table three down from his. Not knowing what to do, we make small talk. I am immensely distracted.

I have to go to class. I tell my friends as much. Abbey tells me that if I don't go talk to him, I will regret it for the rest of my life. Erica says that this is an exaggeration. I agree with both of them. I ponder the awkwardness of going up to him, while awkwardly standing next to the chair I had vacated because my class is going on RIGHT NOW and I have a QUIZ and CHRIS PINE is sitting three tables over. I glance over as I debate in my head and aloud. What would I say? "I've seen Star Trek in theaters nine times, twice here at school, and I watch my favorite parts on my bootleg? I picked up Blind Dating because you were really cute on the cover?" He's wearing black jeans, texting and writing. A half-finished muffin and a cup of something sit in front of him.

"I can't. I just can't."

"Yes. You can. Let's go."

I look at Erica. She's in my way, I can't get past her. I tell her as much.

"Are you leaving, or going over?"

"Going over."

She moves. Abbey leads the way. I follow, bashfully. Erica brings up the rear. We crowd around his table.

"Mr. Pine?" Abbey starts. He looks up. I'm speechless. Abbey tells him something about how she loved him in Star Trek, and that I'm a huge fan of his. He shakes her hand, and then mine. Erica tells him her name, they shake hands. He confirms that he's working with Denzel. Abbey bemoans her lack of car, saying that she wanted to PA on the film. I say something, what it was I can't recall. Erica pipes up. I follow the conversation with my eyes, not wanting to gawk. He's polite, smiling. I can't believe he's sitting there. There's a pause.

"Well, it was nice to meet you."

He shakes all of our hands again. I say something like, "I hope to see you soon." I meant in the future, because I want to work in films. Of course, I realize as we walk out that I never told him that, and so the statement could be completely misconstrued. I hope he assumes I am talking about seeing him in his films, and not that I am going to stalk him, even though I had just ventured to Saint's solely to see him. We leave.

I go to unlock my bike. I cry a little bit - if you know me at all, you know I cry a lot, for little reason, not nearly always in a bad way. I don't feel the chill in the air. I sound and look like a lunatic. I don't really care. I say goodbye to my friends and thank them for indulging me. I owe Alex so much. I bike to my speech class, lock my bike, start to text my sister again, climb the stairs and enter the classroom.

"Oh, fine, sure, I guess I'll let you take the quiz late." He's a sarcastic guy, and funny.

"I'm sorry... I just met Chris Pine." He's confused. A couple of girls in my class demand to know where and when, and then want to leave class. They're only half-serious. If I had been one of them, there's a strong chance I might have left. We explain to my teacher who Chris Pine is. I sit down, sweating from my bike ride. I still have tears in my eyes. I have inappropriate emotional responses. Class continues. My teacher brings it up a couple of times. I can't help smiling, eyes wide. After class, I apologize to him for disrupting it. He says it's fine, that now he has a cool story to tell.

He definitely does.

I can't believe my life right now.


Ryan Estrada has a new comic up! http://www.chillinlikevillains.ryanestrada.com/

Go. See. Laugh.

white cat!

It is DRAW WHITE CAT DAY! benrosen.livejournal.com

things now are so different from the way I used to imagine they'd be. from the way they were. from the way I wanted.

I definitely need to change some things. so I'm going to.

future: listen up, I'm coming after you with everything I've got.

holy CRAP

so RENT was... the best?

here's a conversation:

friend (1:09:23 AM): Okay, you're telling me about meeting Anthony
friend (1:09:33 AM): and it's not happening on Twitter
me (1:10:06 AM): haha, I didn't really get to meet him, it was mostly, ahhh, he came out of the building, minimob, I waited patiently, he signed everyone's program and was a total sweetheart.
friend (1:10:26 AM): haha, well, did you ask him verbally?
friend (1:10:57 AM): cause then you win
me (1:10:59 AM): didn't really get a chance, he was signing rapidfire, had his own sharpie and everything. I said thank you though!
friend (1:11:11 AM): well then, you still win
me (1:11:23 AM): ahhh it was too cool
friend (1:11:29 AM): this IS
friend (1:11:32 AM): that*
friend (1:11:41 AM): argh, horrible typing night, I apologize
me (1:11:53 AM): you're forgiven, I GUESS
friend (1:11:58 AM): oh noes
friend (1:12:01 AM): sadface
me (1:12:07 AM): juuuust kidding!
friend (1:12:14 AM): how was the show?
friend (1:12:20 AM): (i know, i know)
me (1:12:42 AM): SO SO SO SO SO.... everything. over the top great. wonderful fantastic
me (1:12:43 AM): oijanicnliwjbfad
friend (1:12:52 AM): haha
friend (1:12:58 AM): was it original cast?
me (1:13:07 AM): I am SO GLAD I finally got to see it and I am SO GLAD Adam and Anthony were in it.
friend (1:13:16 AM): yes
me (1:13:23 AM): Adam and Anthony and a minor character were original cast, everyone else no.
me (1:13:31 AM): but everyone was good.
friend (1:13:33 AM): well, that's good enough
me (1:13:51 AM): Joanne was the only one that was a little iffy, but I didn't really care
friend (1:14:01 AM): yeah, she's tough to do right
me (1:14:05 AM): I cried for the first ten minutes, haha, tears of pure joy.
me (1:14:08 AM): oh definitely.
friend (1:14:10 AM): haha
friend (1:14:17 AM): i think I did the same thing
friend (1:14:19 AM): but at the movie
friend (1:14:36 AM): cause the first time I saw the play, all the crying was at the end
me (1:14:56 AM): I think actually by the end I ran out of tears,
friend (1:15:10 AM): well, by the end I mean the second half
me (1:15:18 AM): for some reason I cried the hardest during I'll Cover You
friend (1:15:24 AM): sorry, I'm a little time frame retarded
friend (1:15:29 AM): oh my god
friend (1:15:33 AM): such a good song
me (1:15:32 AM): haha, no you're not
friend (1:15:47 AM): if you say so
me (1:15:47 AM): it is! but it's happy! I don't know, I was probably overwhelmed by awesome
friend (1:15:55 AM): oh, i know what you mean
friend (1:16:03 AM): but I cry at really happy commercials
friend (1:16:07 AM): so I'm just a huge sap
friend (1:16:09 AM):
me (1:16:18 AM): so am I! it's the best
me (1:16:28 AM): but now my eyes are dry, jeez
friend (1:16:29 AM): also, One Song Glory just came on my iTunes randomly, good timing iTunes
me (1:16:36 AM): for real!
friend (1:17:19 AM): man, now I need more Rent
friend (1:17:43 AM): this is not fair, I need to prepare for Clarks madness
me (1:17:49 AM): everyone needs more rent. dani and I blasted it on the way home, singing along at the top of our lungs.

such a good night. I wish I had a good memory. I want to keep this one.

ganked from binsybaby

1. Reply to this post and I'll assign you a letter.
2. List (and upload, if you feel like it) 5 songs that start with that letter.
3. Post them to your journal with these instructions.

I got K!

KaBlamo! - Incredibad
Kool Thing - Sonic Youth
Knights - Minus the Bear
King of the Rodeo - Kings of Leon
Keep Yourself Warm - Frightened Rabbit

There are so many good K songs man.


Hey dudes I did some hourly comics. Here they are:


I had a good weekend at home with the family. Is it summer yet?


  • barack!
  • getting into the rose bowl!
  • t.a.ness!
  • good movies, tv shows
  • new friendz
  • old friendz
  • weight loss
  • discovering the downtown library
  • a decent semester with interesting classes
  • seeing california for the first time in real life
  • family time
  • comics
  • barack!
  • I marched in the goshdang rose parade
  • I will start my senior year
  • t.a.ness!
  • cool summer?
  • new movies, tv shows
  • new and old friendz
  • family time
  • more weight loss?
  • new house!
  • new music
  • new comics
  • new new new
I'm excited to get it started. dentist tomorrow. how fun.

much love to you all!

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January 2011


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